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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert |  | Authors: John M. Gottman, Nan Silver Publisher: Three Rivers Press Category: Book
List Price: $15.00 Buy Used: $2.85 as of 3/18/2010 21:37 CDT details You Save: $12.15 (81%)
New (72) Used (144) Collectible (4) from $2.85
Seller: prairie-city-books Rating: 175 reviews Sales Rank: 1239
Media: Paperback Edition: 1 Pages: 288 Number Of Items: 1 Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.6 Dimensions (in): 7.9 x 5.1 x 0.7
ISBN: 0609805797 Dewey Decimal Number: 306.81 EAN: 9780609805794 ASIN: 0609805797
Publication Date: May 16, 1999 Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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| • | ISBN13: 9780609805794 | | • | Condition: NEW | | • | Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark. |
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Amazon.com Review According to most relationship books, the key to a solid marriage is communication, communication, communication. Phooey, says John Gottman, Ph.D., author of the much-lauded Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. There's much more to a solid, "emotionally intelligent" marriage than sharing every feeling and thought, he points out--though most couples therapists ineffectively (and expensively) harp on these concepts. Gottman, the director of the Gottman Institute, has found through studying hundreds of couples in his "love lab" that it only takes five minutes for him to predict--with 91 percent accuracy--which couples will eventually divorce. He shares the four not-so-obvious signs of a troubled relationship that he looks for, using sometimes amusing passages from his sessions with married couples. (One standout is Rory, the pediatrician who didn't know the name of the family dog because he spent so much time at work.) Gottman debunks many myths about divorce (primary among them that affairs are at the root of most splits). He also reveals surprising facts about couples who stay together. They do engage in screaming matches. And they certainly don't resolve every problem. "Take Allan and Betty," he writes. "When Allan gets annoyed at Betty, he turns on ESPN. When Betty is upset with him, she heads for the mall. Then they regroup and go on as if nothing's happened. Never in forty-five years of marriage have they sat down to have a 'dialogue' about their relationship." While this may sound like a couple in trouble, Gottman found that they pass the love-lab tests and say honestly that "they are both very satisfied with their relationship and they love each other deeply." Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage. His profiles of troubled couples rescued from the brink of divorce (including that of Rory, the out-of-touch doctor) and those of still-happy couples who reinvigorate their relationships are equally enlightening. --Erica Jorgensen
Product Description John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years. Here is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Packed with practical questionnaires and exercises, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.
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| Customer Reviews:
Showing reviews 1-5 of 175
The Seven Principles... GREAT BOOK! February 5, 2010 Caroline McMASTER (Florida) My partner and I are on our second try after being apart for 11.5 years! This book has been very helpful with regard to setting boundaries and listening to each other. We were together, with one another, for 5 years during our last partnership. Already, this book has helped us by continuing to keeping the lines of communication open.
The BEST Marriage Book January 2, 2010 Rebecca Kidder (SC) 1 out of 2 found this review helpful
Both my husband & I are on our 3rd marriage so we read a lot of marriage books to stay ahead of the game. None of them hit the nail on the head like this one does. If you've been in a relationship before, currently or have witnessed your parents or friends relationships you can relate to this book.
We have just started reading this book and that may seem unfair to already write a review but this book has that "Ah ha" that others books don't touch even after reading the entire book! That's why I wanted to go ahead and write a review. If you're looking for help or prevention, look no further! This book is it.
An excellent read about marital reality January 1, 2010 Nadia (Orlando, Florida) 0 out of 1 found this review helpful
I've consumed many self-help books about improving marital relationships, and this is one of the most succinctly written expose on the science of making a marriage work. The information is very grounded in research and the content is useful from the outset, not just a hodge-podge of theories, but useful, tangible content that can be used daily.
Excellent book of marriage. December 26, 2009 Bill Goodman (Portland, OR USA) This is probably the best book on marriage on the market. Gottman thinks outside the box, making understanding how to have a good marriage both practical and possible. Men, especially, need to read this book.
7 Principles that Really Work! December 10, 2009 Joe Donaldson (Federal Way, WA USA) John Gottman, Ph. D. has a unique approach to helping married couples live happily ever after: he subjects them to scientific research! That's right. Over the past few decades Gottman has invited couples to spend a weekend in a wired apartment (dubbed the 'Love Lab') where their conversations - even their heart rates - are monitored by a team of relational scientists. As a result Gottman says: "...I can predict a divorce by hearing only one discussion between a husband and wife." (p. 40) Based on this research Gottman has developed seven principles (hence the name of his book) that when applied will help strengthen marriages. The seven principles are:
1. Enhance your love maps (know what makes each other tick).
2. Nurture fondness and admiration (appreciate each other)
3. Turn toward each other instead of away.
4. Let your partner influence you (especially for husbands).
5. Solve your solvable problems.
6. Overcome gridlock.
7. Create shared meaning.
Gottman includes his version of "The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse" that spell real trouble for any marriage: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Unfortunately, most couples will recognize one or more of these horsemen in their own marriages. The beauty of "Seven Principles" is that Gottman develops each principle and provides a series of exercises to help couples put them into practice. It is presented in a clear and direct way that makes it very accessible for couples to use on their own, with the help of a marriage mentor or therapist, or in a small group setting. If you're looking for a book filled with biblical references you will need to look elsewhere. But if you're looking for a fresh approach to marital health that is consistent with biblical principles then Gottman's "Seven Principles" should be part of your tool kit.
Showing reviews 1-5 of 175
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